Etsy Haikus

Inspired by Peter Norvig, I have created a quick hack to generate haikus from Etsy listing titles. Check it out here.

Technical details for those who are interested:

  • The listings are downloaded from the Etsy API by an offline process, and stuffed into a MongoDB database if their titles are either five or seven syllables.
  • The CMU Pronunciation Dictionary handles the syllable wrangling.
  • The frontend is a very simple Django application.

All in all, about three or four hours of effort. Note that Etsy has nothing to do with these haikus, and doesn’t endorse this app.

Python PostgreSQL Driver Authors Hate You

DBAPI2 is all well and good. To a point. But if you have the usual website scaling problem, namely the one where you have a master database that worked fine when you were tiny and–dear god–not so well right now, the idea of interchangeable database libraries is basically a crock.

Before I am inundated with hate mail let me dial back my rhetoric a little bit. The existence of an API that works with altogether different databases is a wonderful thing and without it, things like Django or SQLAlchemy would not be possible. So rest assured I am not a complete maniac. I am not even really here to talk about dbapi2. I am just saying that 1) no two libraries are the same, 2) given sufficient scale this will matter to you, 3) the devil is in the details, and 4) the devil likes screwing things with white hot pokers.

Database client drivers intended for the same database can do drastically different things. By Python standards, the Postgres driver situation is completely schizo. There are a lot of them available - there are five dedicated Postgres drivers listed on the wiki, as opposed to just one for MySQL. People might choose different drivers for licensing reasons, for religious reasons, randomly (because they never did any analysis like I am about to do), or for completely inscrutable reasons because they are just plain out of their minds. You really would not believe how much blood I have seen spilled over Postgres client drivers.

Here, let me show you what I am talking about. Examine the following python program, which runs an identical operation on a pyPgSQL connection and a psycopg2 connection.

#! /usr/bin/env python
from __future__ import with_statement
from contextlib import closing
from pyPgSQL import PgSQL as pypgsql
import psycopg2

test_dsn = 'host=127.0.0.1 port=5432 user=dan dbname=postgres'

def test_select(c):
    with closing(c.cursor()) as cr:
        cr.execute('select 1')
        print cr.fetchall()

def test():
    with closing(pypgsql.connect(test_dsn)) as c:
        test_select(c)

    with closing(psycopg2.connect(test_dsn)) as c:
        test_select(c)

if __name__ == '__main__':
    test()

Here's what happens when pyPgSQL runs that select.

select version()
BEGIN WORK
DECLARE "PgSQL_0062AF80" CURSOR FOR select 1
FETCH 1 FROM "PgSQL_0062AF80"
SELECT typname, -1 , typelem FROM pg_type WHERE oid = 23
FETCH ALL FROM "PgSQL_0062AF80"
CLOSE "PgSQL_0062AF80"
ROLLBACK WORK

First note that pyPgSQL issues a SELECT VERSION() command for every new connection. Why's it do that? Well since I've already dug through the source I can tell you that it does this to see if it has to do something wacky for PostgreSQL 7.1 and below. There's no way to disable this without patching the library.

This is not an enormous problem if the connection is pooled and reused, but it immediately becomes one if you want to use an out-of-process pool like PgBouncer. Every pyPgSQL connection that you make to pgbouncer will run this query, and in that scenario you are probably making zillions.

We get a transaction, even though I don't remember having asked for one. Since we never commit, it's rolled back. As default behavior this bites–more on this in a bit.

Finally, get a load of this:

SELECT typname, -1 , typelem FROM pg_type WHERE oid = 23;

That is pyPgSQL asking postgres what the name of the type associated with OID 23 is. I can tell you what it is without looking, it's an int4. The OID's of built-in types are hardcoded (see catalog/pg_types.h in the postgres source), so this is worse than pointless.

Well that was a shitshow. Now, what does psycopg2 do?

SET DATESTYLE TO 'ISO'
SHOW client_encoding
SHOW default_transaction_isolation
BEGIN; SET TRANSACTION ISOLATION LEVEL READ COMMITTED
select 1
ROLLBACK

This is marginally more acceptable. Which, to my point, means it's radically different. Right off the bat it is obvious that psycopg2 does not really support cursors. Apparently you can argue either side of this, but regardless it's a significant difference between the two libraries.

It would be better if there were a way to tell psycopg2 what the client encoding and default transaction isolation levels are, rather than have it query this with each connection. Again, this is fine unless you want to use an external connection pool. Note that READ COMMITTED is the default, which makes the SET unecessary, but it is issued anyway. (And since Postgres only really supports two isolation levels, it would be likewise pointless if the server setting were READ UNCOMMITTED).

As with pyPgSQL, the transaction-as-default-behavior thing is thoroughly brutal. As far as I can tell, this is not something the DBAPI2 PEP demands. There are many reasons why I think this is a bad idea, but they all boil down to the fact that transactions are not free. If you're executing a stored procedure, or just reading data, this boilerplate is superfluous. And if you want to get the most out of your database, you will have to turn this off. The syntax for disabling it is, of course, totally different and underdocumented in both libraries.

Note that PDO does nothing like this. PDO expects you to know what a transaction is. It gives you a prepared statement that you might not want, but that's a different problem.

If you've read this far, maybe you'd like to know what my advice is. Well, first of all, do not take the choice of driver lightly, and understand what you're getting into. You almost definitely want to use psycopg2, because on balance it is the least evil option*. If it comes to it, you can always patch out the unnecessary SHOW statements (although honestly, I'm not sure this will ever become an issue like pyPgSQL's stupid selects). However, you should take care to manage your use of transactions from the start of your project. That is the kind of thing that will be really painful to change after you have hundreds of queries implicitly relying on the default behavior.

* Also note that the pyPgSQL source mixes tabs and spaces. FML.

From the Annals of Dubious Achievement

It is I who wrote RichardIsAFuckingIdiotControl, voted the "best comment in source code … ever encountered" in this StackOverflow question. I didn't submit it, nor do I know the person that did. (I came across it on reddit, or something. I don't have the will or personal bandwidth to participate in something like StackOverflow.) This happened at a former employer.

I am not sure that I am proud of this. Actually I'm pretty sure that I'm not proud of it. But I'll explain what the deal was for the record anyway. I am also not sure that this deserves the "accolades" that it received. After all it's not technically a comment (although it contains some doozies) and I would never have chosen pure vitriol over, say, something from Ritchie's Odd Comments and Strange Doings in Unix.

Obviously what sets this apart from other snippets in the genre is the over-the-top hatred of a very specific colleague. So let me tell you a little about Richard.

First, his name wasn't Richard. Whoever submitted the sample was wise enough to change that (thanks, guy). I didn't even use his given name in the original source, although it was a moniker that most people would have understood. "Richard" was no longer employed by the company when I wrote this. He had recently been fired for repeatedly showing up in the early to mid-afternoon drunk and coked out of his mind (I guess nobody told him that we real programmers show up on time and drink at our desks).

Richard was a recent college grad with roughly a 1.8 GPA from a decent-but-not-prestigious CS program. Miraculously (if you're Richard), someone decided he was a "cultural fit" and therefore deserved $70K per year. For readers who have only ever been exposed to polite society, it is important to note that this is standard practice in the financial industry and is considered "normal." Around this time, I had gotten a little bent out of shape about hiring for various reasons that I won't go into, and I was the asshole. Go figure.

Personally, there is only one word that describes the kid. That word is broseph. If I were to call him a violent, drug-addled menace, it would not be hyperbole. Let me say it again, "cultural fit."

After Richard's exit, I had to take over his code. I wound up rewriting almost all of it from scratch, and this class was serving as a blast shield around the volatile remains of what I could salvage. Honestly, at this point I was bored to tears, and a lot of what I did was probably total crap. If there's any justice, right now someone's writing a profanity-laden class with my name all over it.

But anyway, let’s go over the code. I’ll add some color, where I can remember what was going on.


// The main problem is the BindCompany() method,
// which he hoped would be able to do everything. I hope he dies.

I am firmly opposed to the death penalty, but if a piano fell on his head I would be sincerely happy. (And again, for some reason I'm the asshole.)


public void BindCompany(int companyId) { }

// snip

private void MakeSureNobodyAccidentallyGetsBittenByRichardsStupidity()
{
    // Make sure nobody is actually using that fucking bindcompany method
    MethodInfo m = this.GetType().GetMethod("BindCompany", BindingFlags.DeclaredOnly |
        BindingFlags.Instance | BindingFlags.Public | BindingFlags.NonPublic);
    if (m != null)
    {
        throw new RichardIsAFuckingIdiotException("No!! Don't use the fucking BindCompany method!!!");
    }
    // P.S. this method is a joke ... the rest of the class is fucking serious
}

There was some deeply-entrenched reason why I could not change the definition of the BindCompany method. It had to be there, but the code paths that called it were all fundamentally flawed, or something like that. I decided to be funny and use reflection to raise an exception if anyone happened to redefine with an implementation of it in a derived class.


/// <summary>
/// This returns true if this control is supposed to be doing anything
/// at all for this request. Richard thought it was a good idea to load
/// the entire website during every request and have things turn themselves
/// off. He also thought bandanas and aviator sunglasses were "fuckin'
/// gnarly, dude."
/// </summary>
protected bool IsThisTheRightPageImNotSureBecauseRichardIsDumb()
{
    return Request.QueryString["Section"] == this.MenuItemKey;
}

One of the really crazy things about this application was that for every web request, it would actually load several hundred control classes and call methods on them. Maybe two or three of these would actually be necessary. They would all determine (based on the URL, I think) if they were supposed to be drawing anything. It would have been much easier to, god I don't know, just call the methods that were necessary to draw each page. I still have nightmares about this ridiculous contraption every now and then.

I guess the StackOverflow snippet doesn't capture this, but the best thing about Richard's code was that he loved property getters and setters. No, wait, that's not quite right. Lots of people love getters and setters, but Richard seemed to be in love with getters and setters. So much so that about 70% of his logic took place in them. More than once I deleted code that looked like this:

foo.x = foo.x;

Only to break entire pages, because the side effects of that assignment were doing everything. Anyway, I hope you can all see where I was coming from now.

And we’re back

So, I have finally fixed this stupid site. I spent years devising plans for rewriting it in lisp, or something, then one day read this essay about perfectionism and decided I was being completely ridiculous. Yes, that is my dog in the header, thank you for asking.

Some would have balked at the prospect of hand editing years of predominantly embarrassing posts, but I soldiered on through good times and bad. I am still messing with the layout and I haven’t even looked at the damn thing in Internet Explorer yet. (If you have IE—I don’t at home—let me know if something is really messed up.)

Evidently, once upon a time I had a career writing a lot of code for various Microsoft platforms. I feel like that part of my life needs to remain there for posterity, even though I am very happily participating in the open source, OMG-scale web world these days.

If I leave those posts there, perhaps someday someone can explain them to me. Very few of them make any sense to me now. I do remember fielding the e-mail from the ignoramus I-banker that prompted me to write Significant Digits for the Inummerate. With a little luck, his life is now ruined forever.

I thought I would miss debugging obscure threading issues, and rooting through core dumps, and staring at disassembly, but I was wrong. I have come to appreciate the sublime beauty of fork, the challenge of writing code for epic scale, having the damn source code, and solving problems that matter to people that are not evil mutants. I haven’t hand-edited XML in two years. Life is beautiful. Hopefully with the whole “blog” issue out of the way I will be able to think of something interesting to talk about.

PHP FAIL

The explanation for maybe 70% of the pages on the internet that say,

Well I don't know what the hell just happened but maybe you should delete your cookies.

can be found here. Specifically,

The setcookie function will silently change the '' cookie value to 'deleted' and override your expiry time to time() - 1 year.

Now in percentage terms, the number of people that have a local date that is incorrect by more than one year is probably very small. However the law of enormous numbers implies that at least of few such people will be using your site if you are successful, more or less depending on your usage demographics. What is the result? Well, those people are sending you "deleted" as a cookie value and your naively-written script probably has no idea what to do with it. Then your script tries to delete the cookie if it doesn't know how to handle it, but hey we've been here already, and everybody frowns and scratches their heads for a bit before giving up and writing the "what the hell" error page.

The preventative measure I would suggest in situations like these is writing relatively low-level tests to hit your pages and confirm that your application is being a good HTTP citizen. Even if you have to hack around PHP's hacks to accomplish this.

Memetastic

At the behest of Ira Pfeifer here is every programming language I have ever learned. I have grouped these into families since I have met people that have touted the nine variants of COBOL that they know as separate languages and I have considered all of these people to be deserving of horrible, horrible deaths. The grouping makes chronological order impossible.

  1. BASICs: TRS-80 variety, GWBASIC, QBASIC, VB6, VB.NET.
  2. C
  3. Assemblies: x86. And okay, MIPS in school. I have actually written MSIL by hand for production use, although I am not sure if that really belongs here.
  4. C++, to the degree that anyone other than Stroustrup, Stepanov, and Sutter actually knows this byzantine mess.
  5. Pascal, but I quickly reconsidered.
  6. Shell scripts: cmd.exe batch, Bourne, Monad
  7. Java
  8. ML's: SML, OCaml, F#
  9. PHP
  10. Coldfusion. Feel free not to count this. I just completely forgot that this ever existed and felt like listing it.
  11. Turing complete SQL's: T-SQL, plpgsql
  12. C#
  13. Lisps: Common, Scheme, and Emacs
  14. Python
  15. Haskell
  16. Javascript
  17. Erlang
  18. Ruby
  19. Horrible ideas that some enterprisey person should be in prison for: NAnt, Ant.
  20. Things that Wikipedia lists as languages but that might be going too far with this: YACC, XSLT, Matlab.

It's hard to pick favorites between Haskell and the Lisp variants. I can get a lot of work done in Lisps but appreciate Haskell for its brainsmashing purity. If I had to point out an obvious deficiency it'd be that I have yet to play with Factor.

elisp-ext.el

Well, if you use emacs long enough, eventually you realize that you have tens of thousands of lines of elisp lying around. I'm making a modest effort to dig myself out of this mess and what useful tidbits there are I will share with the world. Here is a very basic module that helps you get yourself in a predicament similar to my own.

;;;
;; elisp-ext.el
;;
;; Utilities for writing and debugging Emacs lisp. The
;; interactive functions are:
;;
;;   elisp:goto-definition - Jumps to the source for a
;;                           defun, defvar, etc.
;;
;;   elisp:edebug-at-point - Enable edebug for the symbol
;;                           nearest the cursor.
;;
;; When this is loaded, the sequence C-c C-g is bound to
;; elisp:goto-definition and C-c C-d is bound to
;; elisp:edebug-at-point in ielm and elisp-mode.
;;
;; by Dan McKinley, 2008
;; http://mcfunley.com
;;
;; This program is free software: you can redistribute it
;; and/or modify it under the terms of the GNU General Public
;; License as published by the Free Software Foundation, either
;; version 3 of the License, or (at your option) any later version.
;;
;; This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
;; but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
;; MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
;; GNU General Public License for more details.
;;
;; You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
;; along with this program. If not, see <http://www.gnu.org/licenses/>.
;;
(eval-when-compile (require 'cl))

(defun* elisp:read-symbol (default &optional
                (prompt "Symbol")
                (test 'intern-soft))
  (let (val)
    (setq val (completing-read
           (if default (format "%s (default %s): " prompt default)
             (concat prompt ": "))
           obarray test t nil nil
           (and default (symbol-name default))))
    (if (equal val "")
        sym
      (intern val))))

(defun elisp:goto-definition (sym)
  "Extends find-func.el to find any symbol (defaulting
to the one at point)."
  (interactive (list (elisp:read-symbol (symbol-at-point))))
  (cond ((fboundp sym) (find-function sym))
    ((facep sym) (find-face-definition sym))
    (t (find-variable sym))))

(defun elisp:edebug-function (fun)
  "Enables edebug on a function given its symbol.
This necessarily leaves the file containing `fun' open, since
edebug will not open files on its own."
  (when (subrp fun)
    (error "Can't edebug a C function, sorry."))
  (save-excursion
    (let ((library (symbol-file fun nil)))
      (destructuring-bind (buf . pos)
      (find-function-search-for-symbol fun nil library)
    (set-buffer buf)
    (goto-char pos)
    (forward-sexp)
    (edebug-eval-top-level-form))))
  fun)

(defun elisp:edebug-at-point (fun)
  "Enables edebug on a function, defaulting to the
`function-called-at-point'."
  (interactive
   (list
    (elisp:read-symbol
     (function-called-at-point) "Debug function" 'fboundp)))
  (message "Enabled debugging on %s." (elisp:edebug-function fun)))

(defun elisp:local-keys ()
  (local-set-key "\C-c\C-g" 'elisp:goto-definition)
  (local-set-key "\C-c\C-d" 'elisp:edebug-at-point))
(add-hook 'emacs-lisp-mode-hook 'elisp:local-keys)
(add-hook 'ielm-mode-hook 'elisp:local-keys)

(provide 'elisp-ext)

Re: my supergod blogging ability

Occasionally, I write things for Etsy's news blog thingamajig, the Storque. If this site isn't enough excitement for you, you can see what I am doing over there by following this link. End communication.

Rule of Thumb

So here's my method for determining whether or not a particular platform is worthwhile.

I ask myself, "how would David Letterman summarize this?" I know this doesn't seem very scientific, but it's a mask I have years of experience wearing. Trust me on this one.

When the curtain is raised to reveal a total square dancing around with a sign that says, "it's simply XML!" I ask myself, "is this anything?" Then I reflect for a second or two and decide, dismissively, that no. This is nothing.

Lakin Wecker has an alternative approach that involves thinking carefully and considering the lessons of history. I will re-evalutate my approach if our results ever differ significantly.

Solitaire et Solidaire

I am Sean Bell