Dan McKinley
Math, Programming, and Minority Reports

Fear and Loathing in Middle America
December 20th, 2004

Briefly, between Pittsburgh International and my house, my mother was listening to the Oliver North radio show. A breathless woman called in to share this nugget with the world:

We were watching [National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation] last night, and at the point where the old woman is supposed to say grace but says the pledge of allegiance instead, they BLEEPED OUT GOD.

Clearly a paranoid delusion or a hoax, but it is beyond my powers of deduction to figure out which it is. I must say that if I wanted to start an urban legend and watch with glee as it spread, I would try to word it about like that.

So we switched the channel to NPR for a while, and they had a (lengthy) story about the patriotic country song being promoted under false pretenses by an artist’s fan club. I’d heard of this before, but I hadn’t paid much attention. The NPR piece, however, included a clip of the song including these lyrics:

Cause I’ve been to Hiroshima

And I’ve been to the DMZ

“Did I just hear that?” I asked my mother. “Yes, you did,” she replied.

I must say the drive was not a totally negative experience. There is nowhere else in the world with vandals that you would actually call “almost helpful.” Someone spraypainted this graffiti over a roadsign near my house:

DANGER DEERE CROSSING

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