Archive for the ‘Eccentric’ Category

The End-of-Release-Cycle Motivational Email

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Plug-sky

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A Macroeconomic Theory of Texas Holdem

I am having a banner day as an intellectual, it being no coincidence that my television is currently broken. I could take this excellent opportunity for creative output to bemoan yet another unfathomably stupid government-funded “power of prayer” study, but I opted for a more lighthearted subject.

To be completely candid, I started doing just that, but I depressed myself too much to finish it.

Therefore, I will regale you, the reader, with a dissertation on another utterly important subject. Namely, gambling.

Trading emails with a friend the other day, I described the poker craze that is gripping the nation as “the pet rock of this era.” I was immediately taken to task and told to defend this statement.

The argument I was given went about like this.

If one is an expert at poker, one can expect to win consistently. That’s much more than you can hope to get from other games of chance like blackjack or craps, so why would anyone lose interest in poker, given the unwavering popularity of those games?

Forget that it’s on television; once you’re into poker, I think you are hooked for life.

First let me say that I am not backing my response with any hard data. This is purely an academic exercise.

Poker suffers from an important handicap: it is necessarily worse than a zero-sum game. The winners are few, and in large tournaments or online walk away with somewhat less than what the losers have given up.

The idea that an adroit player can consistently come out the better appears to be all-too-true. But rather than being an asset, this is the very reason why poker will not continue in popularity. For every player that wins consistently, there are players who lose just as consistently.

These players plainly will not be interested indefinitely. They have sprouted like reeds from the Nile-esque deluge of ESPN coverage for the time being; in fact, this is making it significantly easier to be one of the lucky few who leave with chips.

When the plebeian interest wanes, the game’s talent bar will steadily rise. Ultimately, nearly all of those who currently style themselves as among the upper echelons will look around only to see that they are in free fall.

This kind of analysis is not difficult to derive; why is it that so few take the trouble to do it?

Conversations in the Park

Hoboken appears to be overrun with evangelicals. Last week on my way to the train there was a gentleman standing quietly with a sign that read:

CATHOLICISM IS THE ONLY TRUE RELIGION

ALL NONBELIEVERS WILL SUFFER HELLFIRE

It certainly made me glad that his god only exists in his head.

So I went down to the park today to get some reading done, but it wasn’t in the cards. I ended up spending most of the time speaking to two groups of people who were very interested in “saving” me.

Part I – The Young Brazilian Girls

This one was very confusing. It mostly went like this.

“Don’t you believe in the Bible?”

“I believe that it exists. What do you mean, exactly?”

“Why do think there’s all this evil in the world?”

“What?”

“Don’t you believe in the devil?”

“Why did god create him, again?”

Except I feel like we covered that material three or four times. These girls were pretty attractive, but not prepared to debate. That’s a shame, from their point of view. I have no doubts that they would be a real “double-threat” if they could draw from even a few Aristotelian ideas, or throw out some quotes from Thomas Aquinas.

They also kept asking me if I remembered this scene or that scene from The Passion of the Christ. I’ve never seen the Passion of the Christ. Is it a good sign or a bad sign that serious Christian thought has devolved to the point of being dictated by Mel Gibson?

That went on for about a half an hour, until one of them made the “talk to the hand” motion at me and walked away (I am not making this up). I thought I was conversing in a reasonably calm way, by my standards.

After that, I tried moving to a quieter park. The one right on the waterfront is thunderdome, anyway.

Part II – The Jersey Guy

This encounter was much more interesting. This was with a very soft spoken gentleman wearing a tie. “I’m not a Mormon or a Jehovah’s witness,” was the first thing he said. He appeared to be trying to start his own religion. Bravo, good for him.

He spent some of his allotted timeslot complaining about “preachers and priests that drive around in Mercedes,” as he put it. He also stated that “the Bible proves evolution,” which put a pretty interesting spin on the conversation.

Perhaps it was his intention, but I was actually arguing against the absolute provability of a thing like evolution.

“It’s so incredibly likely to be true that you could say that it is proven, but I don’t think any real scientist would say such a thing,” I said. “When you say that the Bible proves it, you’re giving away a very different idea of ‘proof’ than I have.”

He was, (not surprisingly, I guess), impressed with the Bible’s powers of prophecy. He shied away from it, I think detecting that it wouldn’t win me over. We talked about the vague wording, lack of falsifiability, and rationalizing after the fact that is involved in prophecy, and he conceded that I was probably right about that.

In the end, we agreed that I had no answers for him, and he none for me. And we decided that recruiting people to follow you is not a good idea in general, because people should think for themselves. All in all, a very pleasant conversation. It could have been one of the scenes in Waking Life.

Part III – Winding Down

I came back and my roommate was drinking wine and eating cheese. “You need to take the wax off of that cheese before you eat it,” he said. Oh, do I? I bit down. Yes, it turns out that I do. But being a contrarian is fun nonetheless.

Six Reasons I Will Never Read The Da Vinci Code

In no particular order. I’m sure I could think of more than six, but it’s a round number.

  1. People seem to get worked up about it. Some tend to be ambiguous, trying to take credit for the ideas contained within it in an attempt to sound intelligent or informed.
  2. It has sparked TV specials endlessly advertised during the only network programming I have watched in the last five years, namely, football and baseball.
  3. My doctor advised me against participating in crazes. Also: fads, manias, fevers, trends, and rages.
  4. From what I have heard, all of the fawning over the Golden Ratio, numerology, and other pseudoscientific language would probably get me very annoyed.
  5. If you walk onto a subway car and more than two people on the same car are reading a book, it is virtually guaranteed that they are “reading TV.” Life is too short to read crap.
  6. I haven’t made it to the “religion” thing yet, I still haven’t gotten over the digital watches.

Please leave me a note if you believe me to be mistaken.

Losing God in the Fallacies

I was recently given the book Finding God in the Questions: A Personal Journey by Dr. Timothy Johnson in a failed bid to help me rediscover my religion. Let me start by saying that this is not normally the kind of book I would bother reading. It is banal, predictable, and as I will explain, largely fallacious.

However, having basically read it on a bet, I feel compelled to respond to it.

First, some background. You may be familiar with Timothy Johnson from various ABC News programs – he is the medical editor for that network. Aside from reporting on the Columbia prayer study that turned out to be a fraud1, most of his spots that I have seen personally have been reasonably informed.

Timothy Johnson

As he explains in the first chapter, Johnson has longstanding personal ties with the Christian faith2. Much to his credit, he certainly could not be described as a Robertson or Falwell fundamentalist. He is by no means a young-earth creationist. He does not seem to reject evolution outright, as one might hope from a physician.

Johnson is, however, is an Intelligent Design apologist. In the end, Mr. Johnson's evidence is imagined or nonexistent and he draws the conclusions that he wants to draw.

Johnson's book begins by talking about the scientific case, as he sees it, for the existence of God. The remaining sections are concerned with Christianity in particular. It is in the first section that I see the most reason for quarreling. I am simply too far from statements such as this:

…I personally believe that the otherwise unexplainable success of the early Jesus movement verifies the reality of the resurrection; in other words, I believe it really happened3

to bother replying. I would never finish this article were I to spend time on the definition of "otherwise unexplainable" and why this assertion is false.

And in truth, Johnson is a very moderate Christian in many respects. It doesn't make much sense to criticize his respect for the "historical Jesus" (whatever that is) when there are so many fire and brimstone types available.

Hindsight 20/20

Reading this book, I found I the following quote from Feynman constantly making its way to the front of my brain.

I had the most remarkable experience this evening. While coming in here I saw license plate ANZ 912. Calculate for me, please, the odds that of all the license plates in the state of Washington I should happen to see ANZ 9124.

It would not be accurate to say that his entire argument rests on instilling a sense of wonderment in the reader by reflecting on the enormous improbability of events that have already transpired. However, to a great degree this is the case. (The title of this section is, of course, a bad play on his worldview and the popular news magazine that he frequents).

The first truly jaw dropping work specious reasoning I found was in the second chapter, where he basically constructs the following syllogism.

  1. An idea frequently used to convey the law of big numbers is the "thousand monkeys banging on a thousand typewriters for a thousand years" analogy.
  2. In truth, given a thousand years a thousand monkeys would probably still not produce the combined works of Shakespeare.
  3. Therefore, given an infinite length of time, an event such as a universe with complex life is similarly unfathomable.

He goes so far as to say,

For me, the most dramatic analogy of the improbability of chance alone accounting for life as we know it comes from the same Fred Hoyle who coined the term "big bang": "The chance that higher life forms might have emerged in this way is comparable with the chance that 'a tornado sweeping through a junk-yard might assemble a Boeing 747 from the material therein.'"5

It is worth pointing out a minor problem here, in that Hoyle unwittingly coined the term "big bang" in an effort to decry the idea6. Hoyle was one of the last proponents of steady-state cosmology, an idea that the universe is described by one of a few infinite-duration models.

In making this argument, Johnson displays an appallingly unsophisticated understanding of probability. Use whichever terminology you like – "infinite length of time," "infinite number of trials," whatever you want. When infinity is involved, all events with nonzero probability are absolutely certain to occur!

We are of course both making the implicit assumption that "probability" has any meaning outside of our universe, and perhaps also the assumption that "outside our universe" holds any meaning. I will spare everyone the headache of getting involved in this discussion.

God of the Gaps

Johnson makes quite a big deal out of the fact that living organisms have arisen from nonliving materials. He makes sure to point out that Darwin didn't know how this might have occurred7, as if Darwin wrote the unalterable gospel of scientific thought on the subject.

In asserting that because Darwin could not explain this process in the mid-nineteenth century, that a description shall ever be "unfathomable," Johnson has effectively retreated into a "god of the gaps" argument.

Even if we cannot yet adequately model something, we are not justified in saying that it is therefore an unlikely event. Complex adaptive systems developing when sufficient chemistry is available may in fact be highly likely. He is drawing a fallacious connection between (perceived) complexity and probability.

Cosmic Coinkee-dinks

Dr. Johnson is quite taken by what he terms "cosmic coincidences," one of which is apparently the fact that Earth orbits the sun without being flung into interstellar space.

…if the planets formed were too close to each other, they could destabilize orbits. The distance between planets in our solar system is about 30 million miles, just the right distance for stable orbits7.

Let's take a closer look at that second sentence, as it certainly set off several alarm bells in my head and I hope it did the same in yours. Here are the actual figures for the distances between the commonly-accepted nine planets. The first numerical column is the distance between each planet and the sun in astronomical units. The second is the same measure in millions of miles, and the last is distance from the previous orbit8.

Planet AU Millions of Miles Difference
Mercury 0.38 35 -
Venus 0.72 67 32
Earth 1.0 93 26
Mars 1.5 140 47
Jupiter 5.2 480 340
Saturn 9.5 880 400
Uranus 19 1800 920
Neptune 30 2800 1000
Pluto 40 3700 900

This is of course a simplification, as the actual orbits are not circular. The average is an order of magnitude from the stated 30 million miles, and where they got the idea that this is the "right distance for stable orbits" is beyond me. Frankly I am not interested enough in this drivel to bother finding out.

Dr. Johnson cites a book called Nature's Destiny by Michael Denton as the source of this unbelievable, outrageous error. I circled this citation in my copy of the book, planning on making a note of how much he relied on this source. He made the job pretty easy for me.

For this section I am relying heavily on a book titled Nature's Destiny by Michael J. Denton, a senior research fellow in human molecular genetics at the Universe of Otago in New Zealand9.

Michael J. Denton and his ideas are beyond the scope of this paper, but suffice it to say that he is huge in creationist circles but not highly regarded in the scientific community. Some critiques of his work can be found here and here.

Moving on, Johnson marvels at the fact that life has evolved into forms that are physically possible. As opposed to, I guess, forms that would have no chance of surviving in our corner of the universe.

…the majority of the electromagnetic radiation produced by the sun is… [in the] range needed to provide the energy for the great majority of chemical reactions that occur in living creatures. And here is the real kicker: the electromagnetic radiation in the other wavelengths is very dangerous to human life10.

So successful living things use energy sources that are abundant, as opposed to sources they'd have trouble locating. And humans live in an area of the universe where they would not instantly fall over and die. This is fascinating, groundbreaking stuff. Really it is.

I'm still trying to get this straight—and if you'll bear with me here I think it might help if I try to write out his syllogism once again.

  1. The universe contains water, light, oxygen, and carbon.
  2. The universe also contains life forms that have developed to take advantage of these resources in various ways.
  3. Therefore the universe was expressly designed for the purpose of developing those forms of life.

Now I see. Well, I'm convinced. Sign me up.

I expected that his argument would be more sophisticated, but it really is not. He of course mentions the apparently "fine-tuned" physical constants, but shows no sign of comprehending the possibility that they are artifacts of our incomplete physical models. The Standard Model does not include their derivations, so according to him no derivations must exist. They must be divinely fixed. More god of the gaps.

Jumping to Conclusions

I don't know how serious Dr. Johnson really was about authoring a scientific argument for a god. Indeed, there is another half to this book concerned mostly with Jesus and the gospels, and there is frequent discussion of his own doubts and beliefs.

Presumably, if he were serious about the scientific questions, he would read and cite more sources that are hostile to the Intelligent Design apologists. He seems to only be interested in supporting his preconceptions.

This book is more about Dr. Johnson convincing himself than it is about Dr. Johnson convincing anyone else. In this effort, I am sure that he has succeeded admirably.

  1. Flamm, Bruce. The Columbia University 'Miracle' Study: Flawed and Fraud Skeptical Enquirer Magazine, September 2004; reprinted on CSICOP website.
  2. Johnson, Timothy. Finding God in the Questions: A Personal Journey. InterVarsity Press, 2004; pp. 17-18.
  3. Johnson, p. 130.
  4. Feynman, Richard. This Unscientific Age. 1963.
  5. Johnson, p. 38.
  6. Various. Fred Hoyle. From Wikipedia.
  7. Johnson, p. 44.
  8. AU figures are from Wikipedia. Calculations mine.
  9. Johnson, p. 46.
  10. Johnson, p. 48.

A Hypothetical Interview with D. Oscar McKinley

EW: What do you think is the biggest problem facing America today?

OM: Well Mitch, I don’t think nearly enough people are complaining about the nonexistent trend towards secularism. When that happens, I really start to worry. I don’t worry about the trend, of course, but rather the trend of people worrying about the trend.

EW: What’s a hep cat like you do for fun on the weekends?

OM: Mostly I think about the weirdness of existence itself, when you get right down to it. The ineffability of everything and grave implications of Gödel’s theorem. I’m also heavily into the Pittsburgh Steelers, the occasional psychotic episode, and an indie rock band called Spoon.

EW: What is your opinion of the most recent (U.S.) presidential election?

OM: Well like most levelheaded people, I get 90% of my news and opinions from various forwarded emails. So far they are undecided on the issue.

EW: In that case, do you think there is reason for hope? If so why so, and if not why not?

OM: That entirely depends on what you are hoping for. If you are hoping that the human race will not go extinct one day and the universe won’t end one way or the other, I’d like to point out that you’re a goddamn fool, Chester. If you are hoping that you can get a good corned beef sandwich for lunch today, the odds are stacked in your favor.

EW: It sounds to us like you’re avoiding the question.

OM: Poorly-phrased questions deserve vague and indirect answers.

EW: You seem to use the word “entropy” a lot. What the hell is that about?

OM: The way I like to think about it is as follows. Right now there are scores IF NOT hundreds of beer bottles on my computer desk. No matter how many of those I transport to the garbage can in the kitchen, throw out the window in disgust, or comically hide in my roommate’s pillowcase, there always seem to be more next time I come back. That’s what I’m talking about, in a nutshell.

EW: What is the most irrational thing you do regularly? Be honest, please, you’re among friends.

OM: I check the AIM info for dozens of people I have not spoken to in years, and have zero percent chance of speaking to ever again.

EW: What’s something that you find extremely funny?

OM: The names of legal cases. For the life of me I can’t say “Higgins v. Belsky” or “Bilquist v. Stewart” with a straight face. It’s cost me a $300,000 salary and three more years in college, frankly.

EW: You’ve thought about being a lawyer, then?

OM: Well only for spiteful reasons. I don’t have any independent interest in the law.

EW: Who are you deep down, Oscar McKinley?

OM: One part Gary Busey, one part Nick Nolte, one part floor sweepings.

EW: Is P the same as NP?

OM: Come up with a good corned beef sandwich and I’ll tell you.

EW: You’ve been an outspoken critic of the media. What the heck is your problem?

OM: I think the problem can be summarized by the fact that there are three news stories that you can COUNT [ed: Mr. McKinley shouted this word and wagged his finger toward the ceiling violently] on coming out at least once a year. The first is that unnamed scientists somewhere in Russia have discovered conclusive proof of ESP. The second is that there is an uncontrollable butter fire in Minnesota. And finally, the third is that some idiot called the police because his marijuana stash was stolen.

EW: What advice would you give to any budding eccentrics out there?

OM: I would advise you to develop a healthy, obsessive fear of boiling in Hell at an extremely young and formative age. Go through periods where you will only respond to questions in German and refuse to read any authors who have lived in the past 1,000 years for no apparent reason. Fall asleep in stairwells in absurdly public places. And of course, DON’T EVER GIVE UP!!

EW: Oscar old buddy, thank you for taking the time to talk to us.

OM: The pleasure was all mine, Steve.

A hoy-hoy

Welcome to my futile attempt to educate the literate public on several issues near and dear to my heart. Here I hope to cover these and other topics:

  • The Pittsburgh Steelers are obviously going
    to win the Super Bowl this year.
  • Visual Basic is pretty annoying sometimes.
  • Boy, it’s really hot and dry in my office.

So strap in, and brace for the G’s – it’s going to be wild.

I’m not usually a fan of talking about myself, but I feel inexplicably obliged to reveal a few things to the five or six people who will see the site between now and the time I show up in the Hobo Obituaries.

I graduated from Cornell in 2002 with a degree in Computer Science. I am currently a developer for a financial services software firm in New York City. It’s not necessarily a secret which one, as I don’t intend to give away the company doubloons or post anything too subversive. But, I’m not going to go out of my way to mention it. So far I have been brutally exposed to:

  • Humidity rarely exceeding 30%.
  • MS Office integration in C++/VB6 COM.
  • Enterprise ASP.NET development, and advanced web controls.
  • Framework development for a large (-ish) development team.
  • Some .NET Remoting stuff that would make your head explode.

That will do for now. If you’re out on your bike tonight, do wear white.