For a decade and a half, I was aware of exactly two Bengals fans.

• ESPN personality and all-around good guy Dan Patrick.
• A very irate patron of St. Mark's Ale House in New York City. This guy had positioned himself in a wooden chair in the center of a crowded bar, so that he could see the Arizona, Cincinatti, and Detroit games simultaneously. Anytime anyone attempted to change the station on any of the three televisions, he threw a holy fit. He was wearing an Ickey Woods jersey, and eventually wound up getting in a fistfight before being carried out. (Clearly out of his mind. Screw you buddy, if you happen to get here by Googling "batshit insane Bengals fan.")

Over the last few months, thousands have come out of the woodwork. The fact that your team is a disgrace is no reason to hide. I have known many Lions, Bears, and Browns fans through their respective lean years. In an odd way, I am able to respect the pluck of Browns fans. They may not have many things going for them–brains, literacy, or motor skills, to name a few–but they come out and cheer for their stupid team. This was not so for Bengals fans.

You deserve every embarrasing moment of what happened to you, so shut up.

Tags: Angry, Football

This entry was posted on Monday, January 9th, 2006 at 9:10 pm and is filed under Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the feed . You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.